wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
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