Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
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