god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
i've created a new STD.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
Randomize