His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
