nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
