No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
