it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
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