Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
Randomize
