she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
Randomize
