I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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