I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
