I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
Randomize
