every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
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