In the future we'll all be gay
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
Man, jail baloney is awful.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Randomize
