Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
