I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Randomize
