is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
Redeem this text for a blowjob
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
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