Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
I think I am morally bankrupt
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
