Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
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