I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Randomize
