I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
My legs feel like baby dolphins
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
Randomize
