Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
Randomize
