my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
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