physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
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