This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
I don't know what your problem is but seriously you're a cunt for throwing up that song on your page. It's rude as fuck
omg its myspace i didnt think anyone took that seriously anymore
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
