I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
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