so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
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