I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
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