why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
