besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
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