if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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