Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
