Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
Randomize
