i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
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