My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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