Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Randomize
