I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
Randomize