I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
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