Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
