She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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