just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
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