if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
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