There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
Church boner. Awkwardddd
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
Randomize
