i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
Randomize
