my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
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