I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
