bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Randomize
