Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
