So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
Randomize
