I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
are you so shy because you have an std?
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
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