Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Randomize