I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
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