tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
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