Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
ttyl tear gas
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize
