im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
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