i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
