Bisexual people are plain selfish.
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Randomize
