i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
we're chasing vodka with high fives
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
Randomize
