i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
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