I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
Randomize
