tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
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