why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
Randomize
