omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
Randomize
