you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
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