Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
We had sex on a dog bed..
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
Randomize
