p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
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