Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
Randomize
