I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
