gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
