I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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