well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
