apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
Randomize
