i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
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