We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
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