I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Randomize
