D3 body, D1 cock
if only i could text you this smell
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
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