Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
