You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
i used baking grease as lip gloss
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
50% drunk capacity currently
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
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