Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
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