don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
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