Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
I was able to overlook the Affliction tee until he took it off and there was another tattooed on his body.
Was it at least attractive minus the Gargoyles or skulls... or whatever affliction is putting out these days?
Even a greek god couldn't pull it off. Told him I like Ed Hardy Better. Death Before Dishonor, baby. I'm sure it was a painful blow. hopefully he understands sarcasm.
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
So many bounce houses so little time
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
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