break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
Randomize
