Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
Randomize
