"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
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