So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
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