Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
can u get pink eye on your cock?
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
Randomize
