I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
Randomize
