try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
Randomize
