how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
Randomize
