Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
Also, beer. Big fan.
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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