this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
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