she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
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