You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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