I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
