Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
Randomize
