Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
I made him laugh his dick is mine
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
Randomize
