are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
Randomize