i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Randomize
