my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
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