The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Randomize
