her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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