I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
Randomize
