so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
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