I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
Randomize
