Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
Randomize
