Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
Randomize
