I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
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