Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
Randomize
