Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
Sacagawea was the original milf.
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
Randomize
