I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
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