I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Randomize