I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
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