You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Randomize
