I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize
